Fiona | 
11 23rd, 2008| 
I have just spent half an hour or so reading through quotations on failure. I can’t find the right one to express my emotions, so perhaps I’ll just have to relive my experience here…
For a while (even before I met MIML™) I have thought about getting my motorbike license. I have never been into the whole leathers and tattoo scene and can’t see myself joining the Hells Angels or Rebels or even owning a Harley, but it is something that has intrigued me.
My father had his motorbike license. I think there is a photo of my brother or I sitting on his bike as a pre-schooler. I wouldn’t have been that old because I remember Dad getting rid of the bike after one accident too many. He had broken his collarbone this time and the bike was dispatched before he did any more serious damage.
I remember as a teenager learning of the death of the son of family friends who had been riding pillion, but without protective clothing.
I don’t see myself as a risk taker. I have had some periods in my life where I have undertaken some behaviour that could be seen as risky, but I have never yearned to jump from a plane or bungee, or see how fast my car will actually go on an open stretch of road. I even steered clear of the drug scene at college and could count on one hand, with fingers left over, the number of cigarettes I have smoked.
Yet riding a bike has always had an appeal. I rode one once on a farm as a teenager and remember getting up to second gear. I still remember the buzz riding down a dirt driveway.
When I first rode pillion with MIML™ I just fell in love with the experience. Feeling the wind rushing around you. Experiencing the smells, hearing the revs of the engine and knowing how close you are to the road is a thrill.
So I decided to look into getting my bike license. Queensland has the some of the slackest rules in the country. To get your learners you need to answer 5 multiple choice questions, that even if you haven’t read the manuals or visited Queensland Transport’s website are pretty easy. Actually they are the same as on the trial questions on the website.
Then you have two options. You can hold your learners for six months and then take a test with Queensland Transport, or you can do a QRide course. Most QRide courses go for two days and once you have finished these two days you get a certificate which states you are competent enough to get your RE or restricted license and can ride a bike up to 250cc engine capacity.
So I turned up yesterday morning for the course. I got through yesterday without too much hassle. I found the slow figure of eight work a challenge, but was getting the hang of it by the end of the day. Then last night I developed a migraine. Well it was either that or heatstroke, or low blood sugar or something but it involved a headache, nausea and feeling generally blah. So I had an early night and felt a lot better this morning.
I passed the slow riding competencies this morning. I could travel 5 meters in 11 seconds or whatever the requirement was and I managed the figure of 8 4 times in a row without stalling, hitting cones, putting my foot down or losing control.
Then we had the emergency stops which I did really well. We did swerving and slaleming (using counterbalance techniques) which I got after a few attempts. Breezed through the theory.
After lunch we had a simulated road set up on the driving range. I got through it, but it was challenging. Then we hit the road. I had a fluro yellow vest with a big L on the back and the three of us (instructor and the other course participant) set out. I totally misjudged the first roundabout and it is a miracle I did not come off the bike. I went up over the kerb, over a drain, down the other side and back onto the road. Thank ceiling cat there was no oncoming traffic or cars behind me. The instructor was out in front and the other course participant behind me was far enough back to avoid me. I could not stop so carried on, but was shaken.
We road a circuit around Yorkeys Knob. I kept forgetting to turn off my indicators. Then I misjudged the same corner a few times. I was told I had one more chance. And I blew it. By this stage I was totally shaken and was amazed I hadn’t gotten myself seriously injured or killed. I felt like a failure. And I had to ride back again. My braking was all over the place, time after time I forgot to cancel my indicators and I misjudged simple bends.
I get to go back for another day but it is still very scary. The instructor assured me that he thought I would be able to do it after one more day and he recognised that I freaked out, but also said that if I freaked out riding next weekend by myself I could seriously injure myself or even kill myself.
I admitted that I felt too scared to go out on the road by myself so the extra day will be good, but I am already wondering what if that isn’t enough.
My parents (wisely) insisted I take riving lessons before I got my car license. I probably would have had 10-15 lessons (probably more) over a six to nine month period. Expecting to get a bike license in a weekend is a big ask I suppose, but plenty of people do it.
I know I am not ready to be let loose on the roads, yet it still hurts to discover this. I suppose I want instant mastery, in the same way I want my thesis to be instantly written. I know I am putting it off for fear of failing it. I know I need to get it finished. I know I will get a better job once I have finished it. I just need to know I can do it. Just as I will be able to ride a bike.
Perhaps one of the first quotations I found in my search this evening is the most apt:
The greatest barrier to success is the fear of failure. (Sven Goran Eriksson)
