Ms Fifikins

I’m getting in early, seeing this week’s My Place and Yours isn’t up on Hello Owl yet, but the lovely Linda at This Monkey’s Life has started the ball running!

Treasure. Interesting. There are lots of things around my home that I treasure. I treasure the solitude of lying in my hammock and being. I treasure time spent with the kids. I treasure time spent with MIML™ doing stuff or faffing. I treasure those mornings where I do get up early and sit on the deck with a cuppa preparing for the day ahead. I don’t do that last one often enough. Maybe tomorrow I will start it again.

Perhaps one of the reasons I don’t seem to get up and have a cuppa is choosing the right brew can be a challenge. You see I have so many treasures when it comes to my tea shelf! See:

Here’s a close-up of some down the other end…

And behind this front row…

Yep, my big tins! I actually have a system now- I work my way down the teas unless I have an absolute craving for a particular variety, usually a green or really flavoured tea. Don’t get me wrong, I am a user of coffee too, but I usually limit my coffee to going out, or sometimes a plunger in the mornings if I am at home. I drink tea all day round. I have bags at work and MIML™ has a collection almost as big as mine.

I don’t think I’d go as far as saying the tea is my treasure, as it something that can easily be replaced, however the art of making the tea and sharing it with others or taking time to enjoy it myself, that is the treasure.

I have seen many bloggers of late promoting the value of fat acceptance (of which two have been linked here.) I am concerned, however that people are getting confused with body acceptance and healthy living.

I have read people of my shape and size (let’s just say I can’t buy clothes off the rack in most stores unless they cater for the size 16+ market) promoting the need to accept yourself for who you are. And I believe strongly in this too. I bemoan, however, those that then get angry with people wanting to change their body shape or size.

There is no doubt that obesity carries serious health risks. Having a waist measurement of over 85cm for women or 100cm for men is a good measurement to calculate certain health risks. BMI has been used for years, however this does not allow for different masses of muscle and fat.

I often say I am a work in progress. My thinking has been developing over the last few years and utilising skills learnt through CBT I can see things differently. I have been encouraged to change my thinking and mould my mind. I have now chosen to change my body. Yes, I accept that I should not be discriminated against because of my shape, I also accept why it is like it is and I am choosing to make changes. I do not want to have a heart attack before I am 50. I do not want to have to fight cancer.

Buying clothes in mainstream stores will be a small benefit of changing my shape. I am not doing this because of the way I look or the way I feel, although at times I hate getting puffed doing strenuous gardening, or jumping on the trampoline with my kids. I want to be able to climb mountains and run for 5km. I want to reduce health risks that would see me in an early grave.

And why am I like this? I do not have healthy eating habits. I over indulge and eat way too much. My portion sizes are too big. Matt Preston has realised this too. He has recognised that eating 11 servings of bone marrow risotto in one sitting is not healthy! Part of me wants to think that Network 10 executives have not banned him from using Jenny Craig as dieting such as this is not the way to prolonged weight loss on the whole, rather healthy eating and exercise.

As for me, I am going to track every mouthful. As much as I hate it, it is the only way I have found to keep myself accountable. I will keep up my exercise, perhaps adding in another cardio session each week for the time being. When things settle a bit more I will restart the Couch to 5K programme.

I am all for people being accepted no matter what their shape, size, skin colour or beliefs, however I am acknowledging that if I continue in the path I have been taking then my life will be shorter than it might be otherwise. My life is good and I want to be around for as long as possible. I may find that eating until I am full and exercising regularly will probably mean I am never going to fit into Levi jeans! When I was 16 and the smallest I have ever been, my thunder thighs even then prevented me from wearing lots of clothes!

I am a work in progress- body, mind and psyche. Watch this space!

I think getting in 6 days late for My Place and Yours is better than not getting in at all!

You see, this is one of the themes I had in the back of my mind if ever I get around to posting in the right week, or posting at all, and have the chance of being chosen, so I thought I just had to contribute! Of course the theme being ‘Looking out your window’ from Karin has meant that I have had to wait until daylight hours when I am not half asleep or yelling at kids to get a jiggle on in the morning or helping with homework or cooking in the evening has been challenging!

Then I had to clean some of the windows, well the kitchen window at least…

Yes, it is rather easy to do the dishes with this view, even though I often don’t! The ‘Peace’ sign is from Soweto in South Africa. The deck has just been gurneyed!

Then I have my favourite window- the bay window in the loungeroom…

The cats love it too, especially as I have opened it this week for the first time- no more air conditioning! It’s a nice place to sit and read and contemplate and the breeze is lovely!

I had to snap a pic of my bathroom window…

I like the butterflies etc on this window. They were here when we arrived and were done with window paint- someone took time to do it and I admire their skills!

I lived in a house once where I hated most things about it, except the bedroom as it had a gorgeous East facing window that let the sun stream in in the mornings. My current bedroom has north and west facing windows. At least they have nice views…

This is the north facer which is usually closed as it has no screen and I am scared the cats are going to try and escape!

This is the west facing window again looking out onto the deck. I have considered putting in a French Door, but it would muck with the wiring!

Japs has a nice view…

It looks out into the front yard across the front verandah.

Immy also has a front hard view…

Her view is mainly obscured by a plant though which looks just glorious when it flowers! Not sure what it is of course.

The dining room window looks straight into the neighbours place and didn’t think it was appropriate to snap that!

So thanks Karin for this theme! It has been lovely to participate.

I love Saturdays. I think they are my new favourite day of the week, closely followed by Sundays and public holidays! Don’t get me wrong, I do love my job, but being able to unwind is important!

Today MIML™ and I went on a bike ride. Yes, we do that semi-regularly, but today’s was a little different… it was 220km long.

This is where we went:

View Larger Map

And it was superb riding weather! Bit of a breeze and lots of sun! After petrol we went to Port Douglas for a leg stretch, then onto Mount Molloy. Don’t get me wrong, the ride from Cairns to Port is lovely and I never cease to smile coming around the bend at Buchan’s Point seeing the ocean, but the ride up the range was almost perfect- sweeping bends, rainforrest and a lovely road surface. I even managed to get my boot on the road going around one bend! It felt great!

Charley Boorman said the burgers in Mount Molloy were the best in the world and he wasn’t really kidding! They were awesome! Look:

Yes, that is a 50c coin! I daren’t think how many eggs were used or calories consumed!

Back on the bikes to Mareeba where the temptation was to see how fast the bike could go (I got up to 125km/h when overtaking a truck being driven in a lunatic manner!) and then back down to Cairns. Yes the Kuranda Range is a pleasant ride, but nothing compared to Mossman-Mt Molloy. The good thing though was riding late in the afternoon with shadows of the bike on the road and bugs splattering over my helmet visor

Oh and the best bit… Between the two fuel stations I used 8.48l and averaged 26.01 km/l. Yeah, not bad!

The bum is fine, but the back is a little stiff, but that could be due to yesterday’s gym workout too! Next ride is going to be heading south and going Innisfail to Atherton. Might even attempt the Gillies Range…

This is another one of my 101 in 1001 tasks I can cross off.

I actually did this 11 days ago and it ha taken me all this time to work out how to report it. It wasn’t the most pleasant experience of my life.

In an ideal world I would have been organised enough to sell my car 12 months ago. But I didn’t. In an ideal world I would have used the proceeds from the sale of the car on something nice, like a new bike or a family holiday! But I couldn’t.

I was forced to sell my car to pay an important bill. And I don’t begrudge that I had to pay this bill as I am receiving a wonderful service, but I would have preferred to not have to pay it. And on this matter cryptic will I stay…

I went around selling my car the wrong way. I will admit that. Actually it wasn’t necessarily the wrong way, but not the way that was going to get me the most dollars in my pocket. I could have advertised in the local paper, or on eBay or CarSales.com.au. But I chose not to. I didn’t want people coming to my house to look at the car, waste time test driving and then deciding they didn’t want it.

That’s not the wrong way though. I made the mistake of only visiting one dealer. I suspect this used car salesman knew that if you were lubed up enough you don’t even notice when you are being so badly screwed up the backside with a rusty bollard.

I had done some research and seen how much most cars of my model and year were going for. This was a 3 year old car that had only done 24,000km. It had sat in my garage for the last 15 months as I have a work car. Yes, it did have some paint damage from going over the high gutters in Cairns and from the odd stone chip and some bat poo had left a small mark on the roof. I chose not to spend money fixing this myself. I paid to have it washed and vacuumed and it came up well.

I even had a value in my head that I was happy to accept. In the end I accepted $2,500 less than what I wanted. I was talked into selling and was really discouraged from looking around. I didn’t know how to say ‘Please, I want my keys back and I want to think about it.’ I was so desperate to pay this bill that I accepted the first offer.

Yes, it leaves a bitter taste and does nothing to enhance the reputation of used car salesmen. I suspect what I was offered was probably what I would have got elsewhere within a few hundred dollars. What pisses me is that even after the paintwork has been fixed (probably around $800 for a cut and polish?) it is now sitting in the yard $5,000 more than what I got for it. No doubt someone will buy it and get them down a couple of grand and think they got a great deal. I know even used car salesmen need to make money, but I know I have been had.

I’ll just keep telling myself that I did it the easy way!

This week Zoe over at A Boys Mummy chose the theme for My place and yours. And I find I have some energy to participate! The theme is pre-loved…

This is my music stand that Miss Immy now uses when she isn’t practising on her bed! I picked it up for a song at a second hand fair over 15 years ago. Now when it is not used for music, I usually place a recipe book on there. Note it is done up with cable ties. Thriftiness at its best!

Again, one of my antique fair pickups- a mirror from an old bedroom stand or something. It served well as a bathroom mirror in one place where I arrived and there was none. Now it serves partly as its original purpose in Miss Immy’s room. And that’s me poking through… no comments on that though!

Finally a trip to my jewellery box. My mother’s wedding ring, her first set of pearls and my grandmother’s ‘diamond’ broach. The pearls are far too short to go around my neck and I don’t get to wear the broach much. The ring is too tight even for my little finger. But they sit in the box and when I open it I know they were loved before and still make me smile.

May has been a little slack. As of tonight I have added up 2 completed tasks and 21 in progress. I have 938 days left so need to complete one task every 9.5 days. There are a few tasks I need to get finished this week and that might make me more content with progress.

Perhaps I need to start some other tasks too- especially the fitness related ones. I can keep moaning about how I am getting no where, but I really need to knuckle down and get on with it. I want to be losing a couple of kilos a month. I know how to do it, I just need to put my words into deeds!

So this week… I am going to sell my car. I need the money to pay off some big bills. I might even manage to set up the blogs for the kids and register as an organ donor…

Yeah. Another wordpress theme. Not sure I am 100% happy with this one, but meh, at least it is a slight improvement on the last with tabs for the different pages.

I do have a totally customisable one that I should make time to edit and make my own at some stage. But until then, you have this, complete with the silly yellow in the header. Might look into changing that…

I did plan to spend the weekend faffing. Slept most of this morning, went to gym and burnt 911 calories in 1.5 hours of boxing and came back here and napped. It’s what I needed I keep telling myself. Will try and update my 101 in 1001 tomorrow…

But until then…

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

So how was it? It was good. Actually, it was great!

Yes, I was apprehensive and did what I tend to do when I get anxious, arrived early! The school had changed dramatically! Of course the first thing I saw when I arrived was the long jump pit, bringing back some pretty ghastly memories! I wandered around for a bit and found where we were meeting, still rather early!

Finally people arrived! We only had a small group at the school part of the reunion. Some good friends from school whom I hadn’t seen in years. Others who I had hadn’t necessarily thought much about in the last 20 years, but still seeing them again provoked memories. Of the people at the school, one of the general feelings was that our school days hadn’t always been the best. Sarah summed it up well when she pointed out we were all dealing with adolescence at the time too and that possibly clouded judgements.

I hadn’t actually thought of this. In my last post I commented on how obnoxious I was at school. Through comments on the blog and comments from people yesterday, apparently I wasn’t that obnoxious. Perhaps it was my views of adolescence or my consequences of my upbringing that formed these thoughts. I still have trouble liking the me as a teenager, recognising the cognitive changes I have made over the last few years.

I’m glad I made the effort to come down. I’m really glad I made the effort to go out afterwards with other people to the Geebung Hotel. Here there were more friends. People I did not recognise and people I remembered little of. Not necessarily in my circle at school, but great people. At the end of it I heard stories from them about their recollections of things that had happened. Things I had no idea about! Stories of peer pressure and rebellion. Stories of caring and concern for others. People I wish I was closer to then and now.

Throughout the day there were questions of me, my life then, in-between and now. People who I have caught up with over Facebook who have followed my ups and downs. People who have recognised my struggles and strength. It was lovely to receive this affirmation.

I took a few photos and will upload them to flickr when I get home. Home. Where my heart is. Questions from people about moving away and returning to Melbourne. Will I return? That is a tough one. I miss aspects of Melbourne. I loved seeing Autumn leaves and driving in fog this morning. I loved driving down streets I remember from my childhood. I loved visiting shopping centres and shops we don’t have up north.

But I wouldn’t be returning to relive my past. I wouldn’t be returning to send my children to the school I went to (it is now co-ed parallel education in years 10-12 with a boys campus for Prep-9). The people I caught up with, on the whole, no longer live near where they grew up. They may have moved shorter distances than I have, but there has been movement. Even those that are still in the same area have moved. We all have.

So thank-you to those who braved coming. It was a small group, but it was a great group. We all said that next reunion we wanted off site. And we wanted more people there. We want to know what people are doing and see them. To be together as a community again, perhaps only for a couple of hours, but to show that we are all lovely people who were shaped by their schooling. The resilience we had to learn at school has done us well for the future. Not ideal at the time, but it was what it was.

I am in Melbourne. For 2 nights. Actually between landing and departing it will be 48 hours. And why? It is 20 years since my year group left school and there is a reunion.

My former school organises reunions every 5 years. I think I’ve been to them all, even though I have lived interstate for them all. When I saw the date for this one late last year I pencilled it in my diary (or fingered it into my iPhone more to the point!) and didn’t think much more about it. Then the note came. I replied on the last day, even though a schoolmate who had organised a facebook page for the event had a reply from me as soon as I was invited. I just assumed I would go.

A few weeks ago I booked flights- red eye flight this morning changing in Sydney. Cheaper than the direct flight. Bizarre, I know. I booked a hire car and started organising the kids.

Then my anxiety kicked in. On Tuesday I had a total meltdown. You see, my school days weren’t necessarily the best days of my life. I didn’t have many friends. I was obnoxious really. I thought I was so much better than I was. I took the high moral ground on so many issues and alienated so many of my peers. Looking back I can see why. Towards the end of my school days I had some more friends and we have kept in touch.

So why am I going? That is something I have been wrestling with and still don’t have definitive answers. Yes, I want to see the place that is my old school. See if they have actually done up the music rooms like they promised 20 years ago. See the ‘new’ classrooms that my cohort experienced- the Prep/Year 1 classrooms in 1979 and the year 7 centre in 1985. So new to us! See if the Emma B Cook Centre is still as modern as it was 25 years ago. See if the Junior School Gym still has those ghastly ropes we had to try and climb in PE.

Then there are the people. Thankfully I think most of the teachers have moved on or retired! As for my cohort… well I described it to someone as a social experiment- have we changed in 20 years? I remember at the 10 year reunion people still navigated to the friendship groups from school. I think trough Facebook though some of these distinctions have broken down. Whereas there are some girls I wouldn’t have normally kept in touch with, now I see photos of their kids and read about their struggles and triumphs.

Then there is me. I have changed so much from the girl who left school almost 20 years ago. We were asked to fill in a small biography for the booklet going with the reunion tomorrow. I didn’t really know what to say. How do you say, I’m not the person who went to school with you? I would never have dreamed at school of getting a tattoo or having an upper ear piercing, or riding a motorbike, or getting divorced.

So I am anxious for tomorrow. Unsure of what it will bring. I know a few people who are going and some of my good friends are apologies. I remember the teasing and bullying I experienced at school, but 20+ years on, I can’t remember who did it (with a couple of exceptions!).

I am going with an open mind. I suspect part of it is facing the demons of my past and realising that my parents sacrificed a lot to send me to a prestigious school. And I did receive a decent education.  I want to remember the good things, even if they are few and far between in my mind at present. Is there nosiness? Maybe. But I want to go and be in the present. Be me today, shaped by my past but not ruled by it.

I shall report back afterwards…