Ms Fifikins

I am not one to make resolutions. In the past I have made plans and then they have gone to pot and I have ended up being a bit of a last minute kinda gal. Yes I will have tentative plans, but I will wait and see what is going to happen and sometimes hope for the best.

I think 2010 is a little different. For the last week or so I have been reflecting on what has changed in my life and my outlook. I have been examining my philosophies on food and body image. I have been trying to work out what has actually changed, how it has changed and why it has changed. And I have drawn some blanks along the way too!

I have seen how my philosophy of body and the related philosophies of food and movement have changed in dramatic ways. It is not everything in moderation, nor don’t eat this, nor only eat that. It is more a what effect will putting this in my body have and what will my body have to say about it. I suppose taking note of my body and its signals and not creating binaries when it comes to food (good or bad etc) has helped.

So tonight we had slow cooked roast pork with potato gratin, braised cabbage and onion, cider and mustard gravy. And it was delicious! I had smaller portions than I might have had in the past. I have plenty of meat left over and I plan to use it in sandwiches and salads this week. I enjoyed it immensely. I enjoyed the cooking of it and the taste of it all. The old me would have said ‘Shit, think about all those calories and let’s have another scoop of potatoes!’ The new me enjoyed the amount I had and I feel I practised restraint.

Another of my old thinkings was ‘everyday v special’ foods. Putting certain foods on a pedestal and thinking you have to deserve them is not helpful either! It also creates an idea of food being a reward- if it’s someone’s birthday then have a slice of cake because it isn’t their birthday every day. Now I think about whether I want a slice of cake and why I want a slice of cake.

But it is not all if you want it, have it either! I think part of it is I examine why I want it. I had a shocked of a day last Monday. One thing after another. At 5pm when I was heading home I contemplated going through a drive through, or calling at the shops to get a block of chocolate and then I thought about my feelings. I was feeling angry. I was feeling helpless. I was feeling tired. I was feeling let down. I wasn’t feeling hungry. I ended up going to the gym.

So no resolutions as such, but perhaps some short term goals. Apart from listening to my body more, I am trying to be more active. I, like so many others it seems, have jumped on the C25K bandwagon. I have finished week one and although I have always said I hated running, I found it not too bad, perhaps even enjoyable! I know I will complete the programme, however I also know it might take longer than the 9 weeks, especially as I am having wrist surgery in a few weeks. (But that is for another post!)

I am also trying to lead a less cluttered lifestyle. I am finding this is more than a less cluttered environment, but again more a philosophy. I have always been busy, but I suspect a lot of my business has been procrastination. So actually achieving things and measuring these achievements has been helping.

The house is getting a lot less cluttered too. I have had a major spring/summer/wet season clean! I feel comfortable having people over- even calling in unexpectedly. Today it was my wardrobe’s turn! 5 large glad bags of clothes I either don’t wear or can’t wear. Clothes that are too big and too small. Clothes that I haven’t worn in a while. Clothes that even if/when my body shape changes I won’t want to wear as they have been hanging there for so long! 3 dresses I bought on eBay and have never worn. The dress I wore 8.5 months pregnant to my ex-sister-in-law’s wedding. And finally the large box of baby clothes.

I remember wishing my mother had held onto some of my favourite baby clothes and I always thought I would do that. But it is just clutter. So the box of smocked dresses and rompers, the overalls Immy wore when she took her first steps, the bright jumper Jasper loved- all gone! They are just items– transient objects that take up space. Items other people might be able to use.

It was the kitchen cupboard’s turn last week. I rearranged them and threw out the plastic containers without lids, got rid of glasses I never use. Put the good dinner set in a top cupboard and will even think about using it more. Got rid of all the cockroach shit!

All changes. Patterns of behaviour that are different to this time last year. Patterns that are ever evolving and changing. Patterns that are helping me. Patterns that are helping those around me. By changing my behaviours I see impacts in others- a ripple effect. Interesting that!