It has dawned on me recently that I am full of anger. I know I always have been, and I thought that in recent years I was doing a good job of hiding it.
I’m not the only person engulfed by anger. I suspect lots of people are for many different reasons. The thing about anger though is managing it.
I have always been overwhelmed by a desire for justice and equality. I suspect that recently I have discovered this isn’t always realistic. It is a goal, but when it doesn’t happen it doesn’t make me any more or less right than anyone else.
Yesterday, whilst doing the motorbike thing again (I passed with flying colours this time!) a driver overtook me. I was sitting on 80 in an 80 zone. I had 3 other riders in front of me and 2 behind. This driver didn’t like the big Ls on our backs. I screamed some choice words at him as he zoomed past, but realised that it was better off with him in front of me and I couldn’t worry about the other riders in front of me- they had to deal with this jerk themselves.
My kids are full of anger too. Mr 7 tries to relieve his by playing Play Station games- but this often works him up even more. Miss 10 is having a harder time of it. She kinda knows, but she is getting a punching bag for Christmas. I know myself being physical is one of the best ways I have of getting my anger out.
But it gets me down. I want the world to be perfect, but it never will be. Neither will my kids or myself. I just hope that by me trying to work through my anger and trying to teach my kids to work through theirs they will be less screwed up by anger than I am/have been/was/possibly will be. I need to work on me though- be the change you want to see in the world.
I am not going to hide my anger, except when it is necessary or appropriate. I may vent here. I may even subject my family to my anger and tell them why I am angry. I need to stop avoiding confrontation (when appropriate) and deal with things. I need to and I want to.
December 8th, 2008 at 8:30 pm
I agree with what you are saying anger should never be held in, instead the energy behind the emotion should be channelled into something… whether it is exercise, punching a punching bag or going for a drive to somewhere isolated and screaming at the top of your lungs.
Whatever it is the negative energy need to be released, otherwise it can linger and manifest itself into physical illness.
The same goes for sadness or any other negative emotion they have to be released to make room for the positive ones.
December 8th, 2008 at 8:41 pm
Thanks Shelley.
I have been doing some further research and found these sites:
http://www.psychology.org.au/publications/tip_sheets/anger/
http://www.apa.org/topics/controlanger.html
http://www.cyh.com/HealthTopics/HealthTopicDetailsKids.aspx?p=335&np=287&id=1505
No doubt there are lots more too.
December 8th, 2008 at 9:04 pm
Wow – thanks for apt post. I have been going through a lot of this myself in recent months. Appreciate the links – and honesty of course!
December 9th, 2008 at 8:35 am
Anger is a powerful motivating force. It matters how we use our anger. We need to use the energy it arouses to change things that need changing. If the anger is a result of depression and/or stress, then we need to deal with that. Just my 2c
December 9th, 2008 at 6:35 pm
Thanks Wendy and Zuzu. I have things I need to change and I want to change. And I have stresses to deal with too! Actually identifying these things and acknowledging them is a start for me. I need to harness my anger at finishing my thesis!
December 10th, 2008 at 7:14 pm
I’m getting a punching bag for Christmas too! (The MOTH hasn’t done a great job of hiding it.) And let me tell you I need it. Great idea about teaching the kids. I teach the boys that it’s okay and normal to get angry, it’s what we do with the anger that’s important.