What’s in a name?
To paraphrase old Bill: That which we call a Corker by any other name would smell as sweet.
When I married I changed my surname. It wasn’t something I really thought about, I just did it! It gave a sense of connection- a family unit as we shared a family name. In the course of moving around I met people who married and hyphenated their names- husband and wife. I also met people who did not change their name when they married. When a close friend of mine saw her parents divorce, her sister hyphenated her surname with the surnames of her parents. She has kept this name after marriage.
Now after separation I have chosen to revert to my maiden name- or my Dad’s name. It is the name I grew up with. Changing ones name is a challenge. I have needed my birth certificate, and sometimes marriage certificate and have changed it at around 20 places. At one place, a lady told me she married last year and had to change her name at 72 different places. 72! Great! I suppose when one considers all those loyalty cards one collects then yes, it does add up.
Some places are easier than others. Medicare and Centrelink took a photocopy of my birth certificate and it changed straight away, with new cards issued within the week. Work was one of the first places I changed it at and they just changed it without any questions. Then I got a letter from my superanuation company asking for a Decrees Nisi or Certificate of Divorce. I just ignored this and thought I would deal with superannuation later. Then I went to the Queensland Transport. Sigh! They will not change my name until I am divorced. DFAT (The passport office!) was kinda easier- well if I don’t mind paying another $240! Yes, I can either apply for a new passport and forfeit all that is left (over 5 years!) or wait for a divorce to come through and if I apply to change it within twelve months, with new photos, it will be done gratis.
So I am waiting for a divorce to come through. This will give me yet another certificate and will ensure that my name can be changed officially in more places.
But what is in a name? One of the constant things I am told now that I have reverted to my maiden name is that I now have a different surname to my kids. My usual response is that when I married I spent 15 years with a surname different to my mother and we coped! The kids’ school has been great on the whole. My kids are not the only kids in the school who have different surnames to their parents. Even the teacher aide from when the kids were in Prep has stopped calling me Mrs Corker after 5 years of me telling her my name is Fiona!
My inner feminist tells me that a woman should not be forced to change her name upon marriage. Saying that a woman takes the name of her father before taking the name of her husband is just pure wrong! Women are not property to be passed from father to husband and I doubt many people would see this.
A sense of family unity though is created by a common family name. Therein lies the connundrum. You can choose to be linked to the past through the family name you received at birth or the future through the family name your children are given at birth. Perhaps that is the choice to make? At least as women of 21st Century Australia we have that choice and we should be grateful.
What I am experiencing is actually a legal issue- the right to choose my name. If I am still married to someone then I don’t have that right (unless I go through a formal name change process) in certain instances. This is the inequality that something needs to be done about. If I can go into Medicare and change my name without the need for a divorce, then I should be able to get a drivers licence and my own superanuation funds changed too.
I preferred to be called Fiona. It is the name my parents chose for me at my birth. It means more to me than a family name and it is the name that most people call me by. Seldom am I called Ms Henderson or Mrs Corker. My GP calls me Princess Fiona and I have been known to don ogre ears… I am known as Fi, Fifi, Fifikins, Fozzy and Mum or Mummy. What is important is that I know who I am and who I am not. I’m me whether you like it or not!
Tags: feminism, maiden name, name, name change, surname
July 29th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
Good post, especially as I have recently been through the same. When I told my mum I was changing back, she said ‘you’ve always been Donna Spencer to me’.
I still think you should nag Qld transport harder - it took me three phone calls here to get the right answer. You have a right to use your maiden name whenever you choose! And check with passports as well. I think when you get divorce papers you will still be up for a new passport with the same fee. I also had long discussions with folks in passports and Australia Post about this…
July 29th, 2008 at 4:24 pm
I’m not married but I wouldn’t change my name in the unlikely event I was to get married. It’s not been that much of an issue having a different surname to the kids. I frequently get called Mrs W but I don’t mind that.
The mother of a friend of mine recently separated and had a name change ceremony (complete with candles and celebrant) and I thought that was a fabulous idea.
July 29th, 2008 at 8:00 pm
Good luck with this Fiona. My mother has 4 kids with 3 different last names and she has still kept her first married name! How confusing. Esp for her kids who want to be connected in some way as we all have a common mother. She said she kept it as she liked it better than her maiden name.
Funny that! My kids have my last name (not husband’s) just because it is an interesting name. What’s in a name? Personal history. A sense of who you are.
July 29th, 2008 at 8:08 pm
Hi Fiona,
it does surely suck.
Life is full of things that just shouldn’t be as hard as they are, and I am stuffed if I know what the justification is for this particular embuggerance.
I wish you all the best.
Best regards, Andrew