Friendship
One of the things I have loved about ‘the internet’ is the way I have met so many friends.
I started online almost 11 years ago. I was pregnant with Imogen after over 5 years battling infertility. I was also scared, apprehensive and although 4 close girlfriends were pregnant at the same time, I felt very alone as their experiences were different to mine. So one of the first things I did was join a mailing list for women going through pregnancy after infertility- Panfert. The Panfert ladies helped me get through the pregnancy and then we shared early parenthood and subsequent pregnancies. A few years later, Panfert was disbanded so we set up an ‘egroup’ called IFBabies which is still going strong today. These ladies are some of my best friends, even though most of them are in the US.
Even though I had Panfert, I also looked for information about PCOS and was one of the founding members of POSAA which also started out as an email group. We divided the mailing lists early on and set up a PCOS babies list. It was here I met some of my best friends. 11 of us ’separated’ and formed what we called the Supermums. The Supermums met up in October 2002 (with some kids and partners) for a weekend at Coogee Beach in Sydney. We shared food, wine, stories and so many laughs. Some of these ladies are my closest friends now and we chat regularly on the phone, through IM and SMS.
Then there are people I have met through online social networks like Twitter and Plurk. Some of these people I have met socially too- we have shared gins, beers and food. We have laughed together through our computers and also in the same physical space.
Some of these people though I have never met, but I still care about what goes on in their lives. I send messages when they are down, I share in celebrations and they care about me. When I had my tonsils out I received some gorgeous flowers from people I know through Twitter and so many messages. For my birthday I had lots of messages from old friends, but many many more on Twitter, Plurk and Facebook.
I have come to the realisation that in this digital age there is no difference to ‘real life’ friends and ‘online’ friends. A friend is a friend. Some of my friends don’t understand my online life, but my online life is part of me and what I do. I have friends who are into all sorts of activities that I don’t understand but it doesn’t make them any less of a friend. Perhaps Collingwood supporters excluded!
Creating a binary of ‘real life’ as oposed to ‘online’ friends means that one group is held in higher regard than the other. My online friends are my friends in real life as I am living a real life. No more distinctions from me! What about you?
Tags: binaries, friendship, online, real life
July 28th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
Couldn’t (and haven’t) put it better myself, friend!
July 28th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
We are Geelong - the greatest team of all
Seriously what a great post. Funny I just got off the phone to my sister who is now basically connected to me only through an online environment. As you know I have been ‘online’ for many years. There is no distinction for me between online and IRL, though spouse doesn’t seem to think the online relationships are as important - he needs to be reminded of how I came to be his wife
July 28th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
I agree completely, though I do think that meeting a previously-online friend face-to-face does add extra depth and connection
July 28th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
It is becoming more the norm these days to fun friendship, and even love online. People really need to catch up..and get with the times!
Have made some wonderful friends, and some of my closest.
Totally agree.. a friend is a friend, no matter where or how your relationship works.
July 28th, 2008 at 2:01 pm
Love this and you! I’ve come to the conclusion that, as women at least, we feel really close to each if we meet anyone online because there isn’t the physical judgment barrier going on. Connections of the head lead directly to the heart, and the body doesn’t get in the way.
I’m so pleased and grateful to have you as a friend, and can’t wait to meet you IRL. I know it will be just as great.
July 28th, 2008 at 5:01 pm
What a great topic to post on. I think I may just do the same thing if you don’t mind me copying. And I’m so glad I met you. The best thing we ever did was to go to Body and Soul together despite everything that was going on at the time. I’m so glad we did that too! Now I’m going to stop before I need the tissues.
July 28th, 2008 at 5:54 pm
Hi Fiona,
scary thing, friendship. I’ve recently made the decision to not tolerate anyone online that I would not tolerate offline - that is, if I wouldn’t socialise or work with someone offline, why should I put up with them online either?
And yes, there are people who are friends regardless of where you find them
Best regards, Andrew
July 28th, 2008 at 6:09 pm
AMEN! Some of my favourite friends have been internet finds over the last 9 years or so. Some have travelled from the UK to stay with me and in December/January I visited them in the UK for Christmas. These days I’m not so adventurous, but you never know when someone amazing comes your way :o)
July 28th, 2008 at 7:58 pm
I agree with Andrews comment - If someone online doesn’t sit well with me (they annoy me in some way) then I won’t speak to them, but I’m happy to say that I get along with almost everyone. It’s hard to get out and meet friends sometimes
My favourite friends are internet ones. I don’t see many people IRL and love the Skype calls, games, IRC chats and general laughter with all you lot
July 28th, 2008 at 8:40 pm
Thank you all for your lovely comments! I have been amazed at the response! Since time began we have sought community, be it religious, sporting, craft, community service or whatever. An online community is no less a community and it does forge deep bonds of friendship. xxx
July 29th, 2008 at 5:05 am
People often disparage the use of “friend” in apps like Facebook or Plurk.
Are these people really my “friends”? They ask.
But the real question is … what is a friend? In many languages “friend” and “stranger” are synonyms. Why? Because people are our friends until proven otherwise.
You, Fiona, started as a stranger-friend and have become more of a known-friend, through a series of goofy and certainly not-goofy exchanges.
That’s the hard thing for some people to get over with social media. It lets you be goofy and it supports you when you are not.
Excellent post, my friend.