Ms Fifikins

Sometimes I surprise myself in my technical abilities. I may claim to be a blonde mac user, but…

Yesterday I found the website I did for Imogen when she was a baby. Like a lot of things I start out, it didn’t eventuate to much, but it does have some photos of me weighing 20kg more and with rather short hair! Oh and I like the one of me totally spaced out after giving birth! Yes, you have been warned!

I remember actually buying a programme from microsoft that helped me write it too and I used photoshop for the buttons and stuff.

Oh, and where is this amazing site? Just here…

For those of you not following my twitter feed, you may have missed the news that I have a hot date with a surgeon next week. I know I have a thing for professional men it would seem. Unfortunately this surgeon is probably old enough to be my father, but still, it is a date!

You see for the last 7 months I have had the most inflamed pus filled tonsils. The GP tried 3 different antibiotics before I was referred and as soon as the ENT saw them he got all animated and said they were rippers. I think that is good for him, but not necessarily for me. He even got out his little microscope thing and stuck that down my throat. He said they were full of gunk and no amount of antibiotics was going to clear them.

Yes, they have been sore, especially when I talk too much. Now don’t start on my talking! But come April Fool’s Day they will be gone. I will be in hospital overnight. Mother arrives Monday so I am spending the weekend cleaning and tidying. She then takes the kids back to Melbourne next Friday for the school holidays and I have a week to lie in front of the telly watching Dexter and other assorted shows and movies that friends have sent me!  do some serious work on my thesis. As I have this weekend off work, all in all I get 17 days off. Pretty cool, even though I will be in pain.

Now I don’t care much for anaesthesia.  My most vivid memory of the extraction of my 5 wisdom teeth, apart from one of the ladies in my ward having had a breast enhancement and her (ex?) husband was a celebrity from a well known 70s rock band who popped in for a visit, was vomiting through a clenched mouth after the anaesthetic. I had my pre-admission appointment this week and the nurse told me that I probably vomited from that because I swallowed lots of blood. I commented that I also vomited a lot after my laparoscopy, but that may have been the revolting cucumber sandwiches served at the Flinders Medical Centre! Oh and I did ask her how much blood I would be swallowing from the tonsils. Der!

But no, I hate the thought of an anaesthetic.  This is not helped by someone I knew once whose mother went in for a simple procedure and never woke up from the anaesthetic and was a vegetable for many many years. (Oh and if that does happen to me, which would not surprise me, can someone please publish some of my work?)

So most people at work know I am going to hospital. And most know why. We have a lad who is a bit of a Casanova in one of the departments. He has tried it on with most of the young things at work, and from the stories gotten to places he would never get with me! But that does not stop a 21yo who thinks he is a god trying it on from time to time with a 35yo mother of 2!

Yesterday he comes up to me: “Fi, we should go out on the town again one night, you know Gilligans’s Dancefloor, you and me…” (I should say that a couple of months ago he was at a colleagues farewell where I may well have been at Gilligans, but I was not at all under the influence and I had an early night home!)

“M,” I said, “Very tempting as that is, it will have to wait until after my operation.”

“Aw, Fi, are you sick? What are you having done?” he asked, pretending to be concerned.
“Well, they have finally agreed to remove my balls. It seems the hormones have worked pretty well and they have decided to go ahead with the surgery.”

The look on his face was priceless. I turned around and his manager was doubled up with laughter. I walked away trying not to laugh!

Of course that didn’t stop him asking today if he could have a feel so I did my best ‘When I trained you, don’t you remember my big talk on sexual harassment and discrimination?’  Poor lad. Hope I haven’t scarred him for life!

Oh and for those interested… Cairns Private Hosptial.  Overnight stay. They said something about no mobile phones in the ward, but I might have misunderstood If not the number to pester me on is 07 4052 5200!  I am booked in under my married name because I am not going to pay for a formal marriage certificate to prove a name change so I can change it back to my maiden name so will wait for the decree nisi and have it spelt out on that! And it is a corker name too, or so some say! So flowers and bottles of gin… No, I will not be living on ice-cream! Margaritas all the way, with the occasional Daiquiri and gin and tonic jelly!

And yes, behind the humour I really am sh*t scared, not only about the anaesthetic, but also the pain afterwards.  Positive toughts would be appreciated!

I never had a 21st party as such. Mum arranged for an open house for my 21st as I had had a wedding 10 months earlier. I kinda feel missed out in some aspects, but that is for another post. My plan is to have a massive 42nd birthday party in (quite a!) few years time!

Anyway, I need t record certain incidents for my cherubs’ 21sts. If I play my cards correctly and they stay speaking to each other, I will be able to have Imogen’s 21st and Jasper’s 18th at the same time. God forbid they ask for separate parties that year! Anyway. Today’s story will be relayed at every major event- 21st, wedding, funeral…

I received a message at work today- “No urgency, please ring school regarding your son.” The no urgency bit always gets to me. It either means something so bad they don’t want to tell you or we are going to waste your time with something very trivial. Or you haven’t paid the fees!

So I ring. Tried to explain who I was, they still haven’t cottoned onto the fact I have reverted to my maiden name. As soon as I sad Jasper’s mum, there was a pause. “O thank-you for ringing back. I have Jasper just here in the office.” You know a million and one things race through your mind. At first I wondered if he had worn his shorts with the holes in and no jocks, because he likes doing that! No, this was no uniform infringement. Now this is Jasper, just turned 7 and in year 2- a second grader.

“Ah yes, I have Jasper with me here now. You see he arrived at school this morning and then he and another lad went missing.”

“I see…” I replied in a quizzical fashion!

“Yes, as soon as we realised we sent out a search party. We found them up near the maintenance sheds near the pool.”

Now that is the other side of the senior school.

“He wasn’t smoking was he?” I asked. Another pause.

“No, but when they were found they ran away and hid again.”

By this stage I was stifling giggles. Not only did he wag school, but when caught he ran away and hid again!

“I see… but you obviously caught up with them?”

“Oh yes, and they are both here in the office now working. They will be here for the rest of the day.”

At least she didn’t want me to come and get him! She told me who the other student was. Didn’t mean a lot to me, but I probably would recognise him if I saw him. I said that it was a little out of character for Jasper, but nothing would surprise me that much.

I was told there was a note coming home. Then I realised Jasper was spending the night with his father. So I had to ring him and relay the story.

So tonight I ring Jasper. His father tells me that Jasper is not speaking to him because he saw the teacher. Teacher said it was out of character. I think the father was pleased to hear that!

“Hey sweetheart, I hear you were in some trouble at school.”

Another long pause. “How did you know, Mummy?”

Mother’s know everything, son! He went on to tell me he didn’t want to do it, but he was asked to and didn’t want to say no to his friend. I listened and tried not to giggle.

But the best bit, beyond me telling his sister and she thinking Jasper had so much cred, was finding out what Jasper had wagged. My son, the PK, had wagged Chapel! FTW!

No doubt Jasper, you will read this later and cringe, and maybe there will be some consequences after Mummy has spoken to teachers at school, but still, in my eyes you have heaps of spunk and I love you heaps!

Not sure if this is going to work, but I will try. I may have lost most of my faith, or realised I never had any, but this is still my desert island piece of music. I could sit and listen for hours.

Allegri Miserere Mei Deus performed by the Westminster Abbey Choir under Martin Neary.

So what is your bit of desert Island music?

I love cooking with yeast. Since Priscilla arrived it is easier as her dough hook makes it a breeze. But it still amazes me! You can’t get fresh yeast in Cairns. Well not bakers yeast anyway. I suspect we would have the climate to do a proper sour dough starter and I will try that one of these days, but until then I use the easy blend dried stuff.

These bagels are Nigella’s recipe:

1 kg of white flour, plus more as necessary for kneading.
1 tbspn of salt
7g of easy yeast or 15g of fresh yeast
2 tbspns of sugar
1 tbspn vegetable oil, plus more for greasing
500mL warm water, plus more as needed
2 tbspns of malt or sugar, for poaching the bagels
2-3 baking sheets, oiled or greased.

Combine the flour, salt and yeast together in a large bowl, add the sugar and the oil to the water. Make a well in the dry ingredients and add the liquid, mixing to a dough with a spatula or wooden spoon. (or do as I do and just add it all to the bowl of the mixer!)

Knead the dough either by hand or with dough hook, trying to add more flour if you can, dough is better drier than wetter, the dough will be stiff and hard work, even with the dough hook it takes 10 minutes.

Form the dough into a ball and put it into an oiled bowl, turning once to coat all around, then cover the bowl with clingfilm and leave it to rise for 1 hour. It should be well risen, and when you poke it with your finger , the impression should remain.

Punch the dough down and then give a good knead and divinde into 3 pieces. Using your hands, roll each piece into a rope then cut each rope into 5 pieces. Roll each piece between the palmns of your hands into a ball and then roll into another rope, curling to form ring. Seal the ends by overlapping.

Put on a large pan of water to boil, when it boils add the malt or the sugar.

Sit the bagels on the baking sheets cover with tea towels and leave for 20 minutes by which times they should be puffy. Preheat oven to 240C.

When the water is boiling, start poaching, drop a couple of bagels at a time into the bioling water and boil for 1 minute turning them once, use a couple of spatulas for this.

As you poach them put them back onto the oiled baking sheets (yes this is important as I forgot to oil the sheets and they stuck!) well spaced and then bake for 10-15 minutes until they’re shiny and golden brown.

Makes 15 Bagels.

Appropriate doing Jewish cooking on Good Friday? Doesn’t worry me anyway! Was going to do hot ? buns with the x replaced by a ? but I have run out of flour! Might leave that for another day!

Geek shirt

Originally uploaded by fifikins

I am much more of an evolutionist than a creationist. But hey, I love my geek shirt. From JCU School of Mathematical and Physical Sciences. And no, I don’t understand the maths!

When Immy started Prep we went all out for a hat. We raided the Sunday School cupboard and had feathers and flowers and little chickens and stuck little eggs all over some paper plate constructed thing. All with a big bow. She was thrilled with it.

The next year we did cardboard I think, shaped like a butterfly with egg wrappers for decoration. Ate the eggs on the way you see. Can’t remember her year 2 one, but it would have involved some effort. Then she hit middle primary and no more hats. But Jasper starts school!

Prep we got the huge sombrero, spray painted it green and stuck little chickens over it with a hot glue gun. Last year we hung Easter eggs like corks around his hat and this year I forgot about it until he was going to bed Wednesday night. Mother of the year award for me! So I ask him what he wants to do. Mentally I am picturing what I have and thinking that perhaps sometimes life was easier with a Sunday School cupboard!

Then Jasper starts laughing. He has a wicked laugh. He is laughing so much he can hardly talk. He is clapping and almost crying. This must be a good idea… “I know… hehe, Mum this is brilliant… hehe” I am hoping it doesn’t involve breaking into Spotlight at 8pm. “Mum, hehe, you’re going to love this… hehe… it is soooooo funny…” C’mon lad, spit it out! “We can go to google and get pictures of like Star Wars and Dr Who people and then draw bunny ears on them and glue them to a hat.” OK, I tell him. Leave the pictures with me and you go to bed and in the morning, before school, you can cut them out and decorate them if you wish.

So I googled. Found some very interesting images… Make sure the kids never use my laptop as the safe search function is off… Suitable ones were printed. He woke up early and decorated. Again more laughter when he declared that the bunny ears looked like poo because he used the brown pencil.

So he drew and cut and then I found some PVA glue and an old hat that mum had left up here.

This is the result:

I so hope the other mothers who were there (the ones who didn’t have to go to work yesterday) didn’t think that I had made it… You can tell the ones who have been made by parents… He was pleased with it. That is the main thing.

I told a colleague at work what had happened and he thought I had scarred my son for life letting him go with Dr Who and Star Wars. I reminded him that indeed the geeks will inherit the earth… That is a good enough Easter message I think.

Thank whoever he is hitting middle primary next year and there will be no more hats!

It’s funny, the other night I started a ‘100 random fact page’ that is up to about number 76 so far! Now today, the gorgeous Alegrya (need to update my blog roll!) hit me with a White Rabbit so in the spirit of sharing I’m going to play along.

The rules:
1- Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
2 – People who are tagged need to write a post on their own blog (about their eight things) and post these rules.
3 – At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
4 – Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

8 Random Things:

1. I am actually a fairly accomplished violinist. I did 7th grade AMEB in year 11 and then year 12 Music A (prac). I never did well in exams because I hated practicing technical studies- comments usually focussed on how good my pieces were despite my poor scales/technical work. Now I actually find scales soothing and almost meditative. Not that I have opened my violin case in a number of years!
2. My father was born in Lahore when it was still part of India. His father was in the Royal Army. I never found out until quite recently that my grandmother was pregnant when they got married. My father had very traditional views about sex before marriage and discovering this made me smile. My Dad died on Easter Saturday when I was doing year 12. He drowned whilst SCUBA Diving. I have been alive more without him than with him.
3. I have no cousins. My mother was an only child and my Aunt has never been able to have children. My Aunt and Uncle are a very devoted couple. I have only met them a few times, but I love them dearly. I would love to find someone with whom I could share that same devotion, even though I doubt I will marry again.
4. Between 19 and 23 I was in 4 car accidents, 3 of which were my fault! Once I spun out on a dirt road and landed slap bang between two huge trees. Some people thought it was miraculous. I just blame luck- good or bad as you may see fit! I have not had an accident since then.
5. I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). This means that I don’t ovulate regularly because my hormones are out of whack, am Insulin Resistant and am technically infertile. I prefer to see it as subfertile as I did manage to conceive two gorgeous children after a lot of fertility treatment. Oh and I am prone to gaining or holding weight. Sigh.
6. I get pedantic about spelling, grammar and punctuation, but I still get things wrong! It really pisses me off when I find out I have made a mistake, but I am getting better at admitting to them.
7. I have been a member of Amnesty International for over 20 years. I am not as active as I used to be and want to get back into the letter writing campaigns. I am passionate about human rights and absolutely loathe injustice.
8. Until about 3 years ago I hated being called ‘Fi.’ Now I introduce myself as Fi all the time.

I’m tagging:

• Isildae
• Tess
• Ilana
• Griffmiester
• Kensington Victoria
• Devylgirl
• Ian Kath
• Warlach

Pie Wormer?

Originally uploaded by fifikins

Wednesday last week we were cut off from the world by flood waters both to the south and the north. Several of the Northern Beaches were cut off and the highway was closed making travel into Cairns troublesome.

I know at work we had a very depleted workforce. Obviously this café did too, but I still worry about what exactly a pie wormer is!

Today is the 99th International Women’s Day, or for some Womyn’s Day. So what have the last 99 years brought us? Yes women can vote in a lot of places now and more women are in the paid workforce than ever before, with employment rates amongst the 20-29 year old age group virtually equal for males and females (according to Triple J’s Hack last night.)Economically women are not equal to men, especially with regards to superannuation. There are still career paths that are traditionally male and female. I would love to see more male teachers, however the remuneration offered to teachers is not enticing. An experienced classroom teacher (10 years experience) will usually not earn more than around $70k/annum and that assumes they are taking on extra responsibility. Consider engineers where remuneration starts at the $100k/annum mark and increases considerably it is pretty much a no brainer, why would you become a teacher? But that is for another rant!

I have minimal superannuation. I spent 10 years as the unpaid slave Vicar’s Wife, yet did most of the administration, typing, publications etc. But then again rants against religious organisations are also for another day! I will need to do an extreme amount of salary sacrifice and get a high paid job in order to be able to retire comfortably and afford Bombay Sapphire over Vickers Gin. Perhaps I have weird worries about retirement…

But what is feminism? I grew up in a white middle class family where Mum stayed home and Dad worked. Mum did school runs and tuck-shop duty once a fortnight and Meals on Wheels every week and helped at church and ran her local Liberal Party branch and had dinner on the table every night at 6. She left school after her Leaving Certificate and went to Kindergarten Teacher’s College but didn’t like it so became a clerk at a stockbroking firm. She worked there until she was 6 months pregnant with me. She is also fortunate that she has never been in a financial position where she has had to work. Mum has always held very conservative views- politically, economically and socially. Whilst she was pleased I went to uni from school, and may have been a little dismayed at me marrying so young, she was please I ran away to join the circus church. One of my teenage memories is being dragged along to an ordination service at St Paul’s Cathedral in Melbourne where women were protesting at the doors for the right to be ordained. Mum was horrified at their actions and said their actions made her more against women’s ordination. She has since changed her views, and deep down I think believes in equality but also has trouble with the word feminist.

I suppose I class myself as a ‘born again feminist.’ I thought marrying young and having lots of kids and being the vicar’s wife and having a husband to support me would be way cool. Things don’t always turn out the way one plans! So what brand of feminism do I subscribe to? I support political, social and economic equality amongst the sexes. I don’t see this being achieved by women becoming like men so I do was my legs and various other parts of my anatomy. I wear skirts and fishnet stockings and shoes with small heels (I am too tall to wear stilettos I have decided, plus the pain!) I wear make up to work and wander past the fragrance counter each morning choosing a new scent. My hair is getting longer, even though it has been very short at various stages of my life! I don’t mind if a guy opens a door for me, but I don’t expect it, nor look for it. Now that I have reverted to my maiden name, even though this is proving very difficult to do in some areas until I get a decree nisi, I don’t think I will change it again, not that I am planning on marrying again, but I also wonder what is in a name. I would love to have taken my maternal grandfather’s name as it has now died out and he did so much for me, but it is just a name. I used to joke I had a corker surname…

I don’t want to be dependent on other people financially which means I work, but I also believe that women should be able to stay at home with their children should they choose and ways should be found to remunerate this work.

I am very pro choice when it comes to abortion, even though I don’t think I would be able to have one myself. Even though I had male obstetricians when I had the kids, this was because of perceived risks and I would have liked being able to have midwives and even contemplate a home birth. I am passionate about breastfeeding and educating and empowering all women to exclusively breastfeed for the first 6 months and continue breastfeeding until their child is 2 years old, as per the World Health Organisation guidelines. I don’t refer to menstruation as a ‘curse’ but don’t go around celebrating it either, no matter how revolting some periods can be!

I suppose that deep down I position myself as me. I value diversity, equality, social justice and human kindness. I think I am too left wing for my mother… I wonder how my kids will view feminism? I suppose all I can do is lead by example. In many ways this is what my mum did and even though we may have differing views, we have respect for one another. She is an amazing woman who has achieved so much- her career has been voluntary work, still doing Meals on Wheels, on the Australia Day council, working behind the scenes in politics, helping with the Geelong Footy Club, philanthropy beyond belief, a doting Nanny Fran to her two grandkids and a pretty cool mum.

Last night, for Immy’s birthday we went to see Circus Oz. It must be about the 5th Circus Oz performance I have seen live. My favourite part is the ‘Life is a Bikini Parade’ video which is at the top of this post. Rather fitting for Woemn’s Day don’t you think?